Meditation #1: Meditation

I gaze upon a small wooden cross in the palm of my hand. It but a small piece of wood, with eight small cuts to remove each corner. As far as crosses go, simple. There may well be millions, maybe even billions just so across the world. A trinket. Yet, as I gaze I see not this small piece of wood but that terrible cross. That cross upon which the son of man, the son of God was hung.

I see Him. I see his face, wrenched. Blood drips slowly. Sweat forms on his forehead, mirrors the crowds gathered round.

And in that reflection, I see myself. Gazing upward. But what contorts my face? Am I crying in anguish at my Christ, my Lord, my love crucified? Or am I shouting with the crowd: "Crucify! Crucify!"?

Now I cry. For he is the Christ, my Lord, my love, but so often I follow the crowd, I turn away, I walk my own path. But I want to walk in His way, in the Way. So, I continue to gaze. I continue to look to the perfect one. I want to continually look to him. I want to continually be more like Him. I gaze and ask for the grace to be more like him. Christ, take me up to that cross, lead me on that narrow path, take my whole self.

This post begins a series of intentional gazing. I want to be more like that man upon that Cross and so I will contemplate Him and His Way.

Reflection on Everything

Well, at least, every physical thing of which I could claim ownership. So, not really everything at all, but rather all "my" things. Roughly 759 things to be more exact. Of course, the number is relative. Is a folder of letters one thing or whatever the number of letters happens to be? I tended to side with counting such things as one, but the number is really not the point.

The point of this whole exercise was try to get a grasp on everything that has been given unto me. What all do I really have? What didn't I know that I had? What am I holding onto? What is worth holding onto? I don't want to be ruled by my stuff. I want to be a good steward. It is easy to be ruled by stuff, and hard to be a good steward when you don't even know what all you have. Well, now that I know, now what?

I've realized I am wealthy. I've always known that I am well-off, but I always associated  my wealth with that of my parents. Now that I am on my own, I see that I myself am wealthy. That is despite the fact that I am still dependent on my parents. They pay my tuition and rent, but even if those funds were cut off I would still be considered rich from a global perspective. All my essential needs are met in plenty. And then, I have so much more.

Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God. - Matthew 19:23-24

As a rich man, I am utterly dependent on the grace of God. All that I have is to be used for the glory of God. For it is really not mine at all. All is God's From dust I came, to dust I will return. Earthly treasures will be destroyed.

What, then, am I to do? The answer is not to go and sell all my stuff out of a sense of guilt. The sin of the rich man was not that he was rich but that he wasn't willing to let go of his riches. What matters is what you treasure. To store up treasure in heaven is to recognize that any that is of value lies above, to recognize that whether you have much or little of earthly possessions they are all worth naught.

I don't not think there is any hard and fast rule about how many earthly possessions one may have. If we focus on our stuff, whether trying to gain or trying to give away, we miss the point. I could give all I possess to the poor but if I do not have love, it makes no difference (1 Cor. 13:3). It's not about what we get or give, but about how we love.

When we love God, when he is our sole desire, when we desperately seek him out, then we are freed from the bondage of relying on our things. God is all we need. He is sufficient. He is our sustenance. We seek the grace of God so that we may love and in so doing freely give and receive. We ask for God's grace so that we might hold onto no thing, but use all for his glory. We ask for God's grace so that we might see beyond ourselves, and love others with all that we have been given.

I am utterly dependent on the grace of God. I am a rich man in a poor world. I cannot live according to the ways of the world. The American dream is a false dream. God alone will suffice. And, so, I ask for his grace that I might truly love and be freed from my stuff.

Everything

This is a record of everything that I can think of/find that is in my singular possession at this moment.

FURNITURE

Bed

Couch

Desk

Desk-chair

CLOTHING AND LINENS

Bed spread and sheets (2 sets)

Blankets (2)

Sleeping Bag

Shoes (4 pairs)

Boots

Flip-flops

Track Spikes

Jeans (3)

Dress Pants (2)

Running Pants

Painting Pants

Sweatshirts (2)

Underwear (17)

Long Underwear

Socks (19 pairs)

Wool Socks (4 pairs)

T-shirts (20)

Long-sleeve Shirts (2)

Work Shirts (5)

Dress Shirts (3)

African Shirt

Running Shirts (6)

Shorts (8)

Short-shorts (2)

Swim trunks

Hats (2)

Beanies (5)

Rain Jackets (2)

Sports Coat

Tie

Towels (3)

Belts (2)

Gloves (2)

Dress

Bandanas (3)

UPS Uniform

Lab Coat

Lab Goggles

Star Sunglasses

Wristbands (5)

Necklaces (3)

Backpack

ON MY PERSON 

Keys

Whistle

Wallet

Debit Card

Sea-Pac Pass

Driver’s License

Library Cards

Insurance Cards

Food Handler’s Permit

Starbucks’ Gift Cards

Movie Theater Gift Card

Business Cards

BOOKS (161)

BIBLES (7)

OFFICE, SCHOOL and ART SUPPLIES 

Journals (3)

Small Notebook Journals (2)

Box of Old Journals

Big Drawing Paper

Scotch Tape

Boxes of Oil Pastels (2)

Tacks

Elmer’s Glue

Colored Pencils

Push Pins

Large and Small Envelopes

Desk Organizers (3)

White Out (2)

Pads of Stick Notes (6)

Box of Staples

Box of Paperclips

Numerous Rubber Bands

Numerous Clothespins

Construction Paper

Drawer of Markers, Pens, Pencils

Ruler

Notebook Paper

Pads of Paper (3)

Pencil Sharpener

Stapler

Hole Punch

Blank CDs

CD Sleeves

Note Cards

Folder of Bank Records

Checkbook and Checks

Binders (4)

Blank Notebooks (7)

TECHNOLOGY 

Speakers and Receiver

CDs (23)

Cell Phone

Cell Phone Charger

30gb Zune

Camera

Mini Tripod

Laptop

Laptop Case

Ethernet Cord

Graphing Calculator

Headphone

External Hardrive

Wireless Mouse

Booklight

HOUSEHOLD and GARDEN ITEMS 

Clocks (3)

Box Fan

Vacuum Cleaner

Work Gloves (2)

Trowel

Clippers

Weed Puller

Rake

Edger

Screwdriver

Tool Box

Lamps (2)

Candle holder

Candles (3)

Clocks (2)

Air Freshener

Multi-Purpose Tool

Windex

All Purpose Cleaner

Soft Scrub

Dust Spray

Cleaner Carrier

Sponges (2)

KITCHEN 

Knife Block

Candy Jar

Napkin Holder

Napkins

Dixie Cups

Water Bottles (3)

Tupperware (10)

Glasses (7)

Mugs (5)

Boxes of Ziplock Bags (2)

Saran Wrap

Aluminum Foil

Cutting Board

Dinner Plates (5)

Small Plates (3)

Bowls (4)

Silverward

Can Opener

Ice Cream Scoop

Serving Spoons (4)

Spatulas (3)

Knife Sharpener

Cheese Grater

Tongs

Cookie Sheets (2)

Mixing Bowls (3)

Colanders (2)

Baking Pans (2)

Sauce Pans (2)

Stock Pot

Saute Pan

Tray

Hand towels (4)

Oven Mitt

FOOD 

Salt and Pepper

Other Spices (12)

Olive Oil (2)

Vegetable Oil

Canola Oil

Sugar

Salt

Baking Powder

Flour

Popcorn (2 boxes)

Pancake Mix

Bags of Pasta (7)

Jars of Pasta Sauce (2)

Rice

Cans of Soup (2)

Multigrain Cheerios

Homemade Croutons

Homemade Breadcrumbs

Store Breadcrumbs

Sriracha

Jars of Peanut Butter (2)

Jars of Jam (2)

Oatmeal

Brown Sugar

Syrup

Dry Roasted Almonds

Redbull

Butter

Cheese

Eggs

Milk

BBQ Sauce

Tortillas

Salad Dressings (3)

Ketchup

Mustard

Spinach

Bell pepper

Vanilla Ice Cream

Frozen Breakfast Sandwiches

Frozen Chocolate

Frozen Black Berries

Frozen Corn

Packs of Gum (2)

Mints

BATHROOM 

Tote

Ibuprofen

Chap Stick (2)

Shampoo (4)

Conditioner

Box of Band Aids

Hair Gel (2)

Neosporin

Combs

Sunscreen

Hand soap (3)

Kleenex

Toothpaste (2)

Toothbrush

Razors (3)

Shaving Cream (2)

Night Guard

Acne Cream

Nail Clippers

Aloe Vera

Deodorant (2)

Bar Soap (2)

Floss (2)

Hand Lotion

Bug Spray

Hair Dryer

SPORTS, TOYS, and GAMES 

Tennis Racket

Bocce Ball

Basketball

Frisbee

Board Games (7)

Bike

Bike Lock

Bike Helmet

MEMORIES 

Box of Mementoes

      Duct-tape Sword

Honduras Photo Book

Coffee Design Booklet

Child Dedication Certificate

Mariner’s Banner

Jr. High Winter Retreat Wishes

5^th Grade Egyptian Mask

Rock Collection

Childhood Bible

All-star Game Banner and Patch

Volcano Mug

Toy Cars and Airplanes

Scooby-Doo and Bat

Camp Casey Badge

Camp Casey Photos

Address Wristband

Leaving Elementary School Photos

Box of High School Memories

Journal from Honduras

“Bra Photo”

Folder of Notes and Keepsakes from Church Friends

Binder of Gifts, Cards and Letters

Wood box from Honduras

Miniature Paintings

Little figurines and gifts I keep on my desk (16)

Folder of Letter and Notes I’ve Received

Handmade wood box

Great-Grandfather’s Pedometer

Photos of Family (12)

MISCELLANEOUS

Fish bowls (3)

J-Kwon Fernando III

Navajo Arrow from Tuba City

Posters (20)

Cardboard Tubes (3)

Photos of the Seasons

Jackson and Scott Street Photo

Wooden “SCOTT” made in woodshop

Ichiro Bobble Head

Rain Stick

Husky Statue

Volcanic Rock

Magnetic Men Toy

Miscellaneous Relay For Life Items

Reusable Bags (5)

Pink Wrapping Paper

Maps of Seattle (2)

Lighters (3)

Cup of Coins

Glow Sticks

Pocketknives (2)

Fog Machine

Box of Ink Cartridges and Old Cell Phones

Photo Holders/Frames (3)

Tin of Rare and Foreign Coinage

Seattle’s World Fair Official Medals

Apollo Missions 11-17 Medals

13 Colonies Coin Collection

Apollo 11 Stamp and Eisenhower Dollar

Titanic Coin

American Nickels of the 20^th Century

It's an awful lot. I want to reflect on this more, but right now it's time for bed.

Taking Stock

For the first time in my life everything that I own is fully in my possession. Nothing more at the parents'. Bed, clothes, books, old school works, knick-knacks, everything attached to the person of Scott Jackson is now with me.

It's rather overwhelming just how much of it there is. I need to take stock. Down to the last sock and penny, I am going to count and record it all. I never want to be ruled by my stuff. I want to live in such away that all that all that I hold onto I am willing to let go of. For all will fade away. But, right now, I am holding onto a lot.  I have a lot of crap. So much, in fact, that I don't even know what all I have, but I am going to find out.

The Life I Want to Live

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed,which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility,gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3: 1-17

Talking

How will I speak?
What's my voice?
Do I have anything to say at all?
What if words fail me?
What if I fail my words?