thoughts, prayer, outpouring of the storm within me

God is not an idea.

Christianity is not a theory.

Our faith is not in a set of principles and ideas.

God is God.

Christianity is the Way.

Our faith is in this living God as we stumble upon His Way.

Forgive me Lord. I have reduced You to my ideas about You. I have sought answers. I want to start seeking you. I want to know you not as an abstraction, not as an argument, not as an axiom, but as You. I want to know You. But I am scared. I am scared to know to You. But, Lord, You are. And, so, here am I. I have never been more sure of you, and I have never had more doubts. I feel like I am starting over. But, God, You are. God, you are good, you are life, you are hope, you are joy, you are. You know me. You are faithful. Make me anew. May I be less and You be more. I am scared to let go. Take hold of me.

~ ~

As the deer pants for streams of water, 

so my soul pants for you, my God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food day and night,

while people say to me all day long,

"Where is your God?"

These things I remember as I pour out my soul:

how I used to go to the house of God

under the protection of the Mighty One

with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng.

Why, my soul, are you downcast? 

Why so disturbed within me?.

Put your hope in God, 

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.

...

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;

all your waves and breakers have swept over me.

Psalm 42:1-5,7